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Joke of the Day

"Woman goes to a psychiatrist convinced her house is made of celery. Psychiatrist tells her he's seen this sort of thing before ... it's called stalk home syndrome."

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"A New Year's resolution is something that goes in one Year and out the other."
"How did the blind kid burn the side of his face? He answered the iron"
"Nice job Instagramming your plane ticket with enough personal information to take out a mortgage in your name."
"The man who invented Twister died this week. Fitting him into the coffin took 27 spins."
"The AutoZone guy said my battery was out of juice but he didn't say which kind so I'm going with kiwi strawberry."
"What did the stamp say to the envelope on Valentine's Day? ""I'm stuck on you!"""
"What do you call a fart from a paraplegic? Inert gas."
"What kind of comedian becomes more famous if they bomb than if they don't? An Islamic one."
"What is Mozart doing right now? *Decomposing*"