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Joke of the Day

"""I loves hows you've done me spinach Doc!"" Popeye tells his host. Hannibal winks. ""The secret is to add a bit of Olive Oil."""

"The harder you slam the door walking out on an argument ...the more likely you have to go back inside for your car keys."

"Guys who say there's a party in their pants are probably referring to search parties."

"I just got my roof painted. The painters worked all day long, when I asked them how much I had to pay, they just replied, ""Don't worry about the paint, it's on the house. """

"I texted my girl saying who sang ""Party Rock Anthem"". She replied ""LMFAO"". I don't get what's so fucking funny?"

"Keep saying yellow and soon enough It'll sound like you're saying gullible."

"I had pamphlets printed up for when someone asks what's wrong with me."

"What would Confucius say about errors made in elevators? He who makes a mistake in an elevator is wrong on many levels."

"Little-known fact: Jesus baked a perfect and delicious cake for the Last Supper. It is referred to as the Immaculate Confection."

"Can you at least smile if you're gonna be in the background of my selfie, Doc? (takes off rubber glove) ""You can pull up your pants now."""