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Joke of the Day

"They say breaking a mirror is the worst because you get 7 years bad luck OH PLEASE!!! Try breaking a condom!"

"I just saw a video of a snake that learned to open doors. I probably don't need to sleep anymore anyway."

"What did the elephant say that was pulled out of a mud pit by the balls? Thank you Mrs. Ball, thank you Mr. Ball. It should be assumed I saw myself out."

"I used to not get on with my mother-in-law but over the last few months I've developed quite an attachment for her. It goes over her head and a strap comes down under her chin to keep her mouth shut!"

"What did one casket say to the other casket? ""Is that you coffin?'"

"""Fluffy died today"" ""Oh my god I'm so sorry, was he a cat or dog? ""He was a boa constrictor"" ""Well that made me feel better"""

"she wants the D (director's cut)"

"What did the woman say when she was diagnosed with cerebal palsy? Nothing, she was too disabled to speak"

"What's the capital of Greece? Athens"

"My roommates get angry when I steal their kitchen utensils But frankly, thats a whisk I'm willing to take."