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Joke of the Day

"What did the woman say when she was diagnosed with cerebal palsy? Nothing, she was too disabled to speak"

"Why are Asians such bad drivers? Because you can blind them with dental floss"

"Me: [stands under majestic tree watching leaves fall] This is beautiful [2 hours later buried under a mountain of leaves] you piece of shit"

"What does spinach and buttsex have in common ? No matter how it's done, kids don't like it"

"""Do you have anything with, ya know, even more denim?"" ""These jeans are 100% denim."" ""I require more."" ""Mr. Leno, this is getting weird."""

"There's going to be a Fast and Furious cameo on Walking Dead Paul, walker"

"Two guys are walking down the street when they see a dog licking his balls. One guy says: ""Man I wish I could do that"" The other guy replies: ""Ya, you may want to pet him first"""

"What's the difference between a cat and a complex sentence? A cat has claws at the end of its paws. A complex sentence has a pause at the end of its clause."

"I've never met a full on jew They were all just sort of jew-ish"

"So, I was giving my nephew a bath the the other day...... and he pointed to my penis and asked ""Why is your penis bigger than mine?"" I looked at him and said ""That's because mine is erect!"""