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Joke of the Day

"My wife bought a new plant for for the house. I didn't like it at first... ...but it's starting to grow on me."

"Why are liars so lazy? Because they are always lying in bed!"

"I am eternally grateful to whoever donated organs for my surgery... I'll always hold a little piece of them close to my heart."

"It wasn't much fun having a broken neck, but now I can look back and laugh."

"How do you stop a lawyer from drowning? Shoot before he hits the water."

"How can you tell if your wife is dead? [NSFW] The sex is the same but the dishes pile up. Didn't make this up, credit goes to the morning show I was listening to this morning."

"What do you call a group of lions that is homosexual? Gay pride."

"they say each cigarette you smoke takes 7-11 minutes off your life, last year i smoked 11,000 i dont look a day younger"

"Why is a good husband like bread dough? Because his wife needs him."

"What's the best thing a midget can catch? Air."