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Joke of the Day

"A man on his death bed: ""Honey, are you here?"" ""Yes darling"" ""Ana, are you here?"" ""I'm here daddy"" ""John, are you here too?"" ""Of course daddy"" ""Then who's in the fucking shop??"""

"I had to clean out my spice rack and found everything was too old and had to be thrown out. What a waste of thyme."

"How do you measure a Villanova graduate's I.Q.? With a tire gauge."

"Tilda Swinton is what happens when a lamp from IKEA becomes self aware."

"Why did the horse stumble? He was de-stable-ized."

"Why does a chicken coop have two doors? Because if it had four doors it would be a chicken sedan."

"A fart is the only bodily function which has its own punctuation. The skid mark."

"How do you reuse a condom? You turn it inside out and shake the fuck out of it."

"I can't do this. I think I'm dying. Why does your face look like a donut? ~ me 30 minutes into dieting"

"If wishes were fishes... ...life would be pretty crappie"