169957

Joke of the Day

"Why does a chicken coop have two doors? Because if it had four doors it would be a chicken sedan."

"I just rolled a joint... Now my ankle hurts Edit: You did not expect that!"

"Sean Spicer said the inauguration had the ""largest audience ever."" Then he took it back because your mother left."

"[French restaurant] DANIEL: Promise me, not again MIYAGI: Promise. [raises hand] Garcon? [waiter comes] D: Don- M: [waves hand] Garcoff"

"Why do fat people say they have to start eating right? They've obviously mastered the art of chewing and swallowing."

"I dunno who decided on the spelling of bologna, but it's obvious he had no idea how letters work."

"At the planetarium with my family. I think my wife was surprised to discover she's not the center of the universe."

"What's Donald Trumps favorite color? Orange"

"I was flipping through the Victoria's Secret catalogue and now I have a craving for ribs."

"Today I had a second helping of hummus. I was arrested for double hummus-ide."