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Joke of the Day

"A woman walks up to the bar and asks the bartender for a double entendre. So the bartender gave it to her"

"I hit a parked car today so naturally I left a note. It said ""Die, Decepticons! Die!"""

"How do lumber theives offload their stolen goods? They fence it."

"There is no number for what just happened in that bathroom."

"I was in the car with my girlfriend, and I started hearing this annoying whining noise... So my girlfriend got out to look at the engine and I drove off."

"2, 3, 5, 7, 11, 13, 17,19 etc were the years when I was in my prime."

"How do you know its noon on an Apple Watch? The screen stays black when you check the time."

"What do you call a girl that gives head in the shower? Brainwashed."

"Just forgot the word 'bagel' and had to say, ""round toast donut."" I think I'm having a stroke."

"What do you get when you have sex with an STD infested mentally challenged person? The slow clap"