157353
Joke of the Day
"Just forgot the word 'bagel' and had to say, ""round toast donut."" I think I'm having a stroke."
Next Joke
"Voting is just like driving. To go forward, choose D. To go backwards, choose R."
"*Frantically typing on google* 'How to do CPR' *Opens video, 30 second ad pops up* [To dying person] Ok just hold on a sec"
"Divorce court is like regular court except the judge sentences you to freedom."
"I've just discovered that I'm allergic to cats. Either that or I undercooked it."
"Sleeping in tomorrow so I have to put my phone on Lebron Mode... No ring"
"whenever god closes a door he opens a window because he's taking a pretty nasty shit in there."
"New drinking game: Every time Senator Bernie Sanders proposes something free, chug someone else's beer."
"Welcome to Lion Tamer School. Everyone grab a chair. Good... good. You're all halfway to becoming Lion Tamers now."
"My wife and I swapped biscuits. I guess you could say we switched rolls."