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Joke of the Day
"The body is 70% water.. So cool, you're not fat you're just flooded.."
Next Joke
"OMG, I have finally discovered what is wrong with my brain: on the left side there is nothing right, and on the right side there is nothing left ...... intresting"
"Flight attendant: ""will you perform exit row duties in the event of an emergency?"" Me: ""yes"" In my head: ""No we're all gonna die"""
"How do you fit 100 Jews in a car? 2 in the front, 3 in the back, and 95 in the ashtray."
"What did Tarzan say when he saw the elephants coming ? Here come the elephants"
"Turns out I can hold my breath with a pillow over my face way longer than an old person. Innocent mistake.."
"'Come over,' she begged. 'I need you right now!' 'Just turn it off and on again,' he sighed. He hated these late night rebooty calls."
"There's 4 and a half inches of light snow outside ...or as most the men on Tinder would have me believe, 8 inches and really thick."
"Guys, always let the ladies finish first. It's just common coitusey."
"I've just been to a concert put on by the Bermuda philharmonic orchestra. Half way through, the guy on the triangle disappeared."