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Joke of the Day

"OMG, I have finally discovered what is wrong with my brain: on the left side there is nothing right, and on the right side there is nothing left ...... intresting"

"Is it safe to visit the forests of Germany? I heard there could be a baum."

"No matter what has happened. No matter what you've done. No matter what you will do. I will always love you. I swear it."

"Why do only 20 percent of blonde chicks lay Easter eggs? The rest are hunting peckers."

"On the demolition teams last job... They did a bang up job"

"I have two tickets to the Euro's final.. problem is it's on the same day as my wedding... So if anyones interested it's at St.Peters church in Brighton and her name is Sarah."

"I test my smoke alarm batteries by burning the fuck out of everything I cook."

"remember when people would choke on cinnamon to entertain the internet"

"[Coworker] Are you smiling at your stapler? No, just checking for spinach [Laughs nervously]. Oh, good. [Me, to stapler] Sorry baby I had to"

"I knew I was in trouble when the lady doing my nails shouted ""WHO DO YOUR EYEBROW?!"""