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Joke of the Day

"When I explained Twitter to my mother she said, ""Sounds like group therapy where no one's getting better."" Well played, Mom. Well played."

"Do you ever wake up, kiss the person sleeping beside you and feel glad to be alive? I just did and I won't be allowed on this airline again"

"Any time someone says ""have you seen that YouTube video?"" I always say yes......... Because otherwise they make you watch it on their phone"

"Most of the 1990s was spent staring at a cool light display on an Aiwa stereo."

"""My advice to you: subtlety."" - The Joker, to Trump"

"What did the boner say to the olympic swimmer? Dont be so Hard-on yourself the embarassment will only last a few months!"

"Strictly between you and me and whatever agency these hummingbirds are reporting to, my paranoia is getting worse."

"Why is Iraq like the weather in Britain? Because it's either Sunni or Shiite"

"A blind man walks into a bar, and a chair, a table, and a human."

"Weird how an attractive face is the criteria by which one decides whether to lick the area that someone pees from."