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Joke of the Day

"Weird how an attractive face is the criteria by which one decides whether to lick the area that someone pees from."

"2 men walk into a bar... You would think one of them saw it"

"[phone] WIFE: Where the hell are u? ME: Well u know that jewellers where u saw that ring u wanted? W: OMG M: I'm in a bar not far from there"

"My clients have a 86% survival rate, which makes me an above-average babysitter."

"*at a concert* ARE YOU GUYS READY TO ROCK (Crowd) ""YEAAAAH"" LETS DO THIS HIT IT *30 second ad plays first*"

"What do you call an old film composer? Hans Zimmer-frame"

"My favorite word is plagiarism. I invented that word."

"I finally found out what FDA stands for. Fucking Die Already"

"Why is OP's mum like a bowling ball? Because she gets picked up, fingered and thrown down an alley then still comes back for more."

"There's a girl that I hate in my office that's white but looks like 'Precious'. I've been calling her ""Pressure"" & blaming my farts on her."