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Joke of the Day

"How many homophones does it take to change a lightbulb? Nun."

"What do you call a group of poor homeless people that show up to a party? Party paupers"

"4yo: You're a good dad. Me: Thanks. 4yo: You'd be better if you said yes more. Me: Okay. 4yo: Can I have ice cream? Think about what I said."

"Hubs: You didn't do anything today did you? Me: I did the dishes. Hubs: There was only one. Me: Fine I did THE dish. Happy?"

"Marriage is like a deck of cards In the beginning all you need is 2 hearts and a diamond... By the end you wish you had a club and a spade."

"After I dislodged my head from the drywall, I had 2 thoughts: 1) Wow, this new Metallica song is really good and 2) I may need new drywall"

"""more like president PAJAMA"" *obama jumps into pj's, congress full of 12 year olds is pleased*"

"Good news: I learned how to build a fire. Bad news: I need a new toaster oven."

"i'm undressing you with my ey... oh god, no no no i'm redressing you."

"When the wife and kids go on vacation, I always keep the neighbors on edge by placing rectangular mounds of dirt throughout the yard."