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Joke of the Day

"Good news: I learned how to build a fire. Bad news: I need a new toaster oven."

"looking for a great stand up comedy show? just watch the GOP debate"

"Knife > gun because if I pull a knife, you don't know what I'm gonna do. Stab you? Open a letter? Or am I gonna frost a cake? It's a mystery"

"Genderfluid? I just call that semen"

"Australians don't have sex... They mate"

"What are the four food groups? For bachelors: Fast Frozen Junk and Spoiled. For drinkers: Malt Hops Barley and Yeast. For heavies: Caffeine Fat Sugar Chocolate."

"Did you hear about the suspect who was released from jail after he touched grounded metal and received a static shock? He was cleared of all charges."

"Did you hear the one about the two guys who voted no? Neither did aye."

"Hey girl, are you a tube of Pringles? Because my whole fist is stuck inside of you"

"John Snow really knows the way to a guy's heart."