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Joke of the Day

"How do you change the light bulb in the dark? You don't. The police shoot you."

"When God made raccoons he was like do you want to be an old timey burglar or a trash digger. Too slow. You're both now."

"A pirate walks into a bar with a steering wheel in his pants... Bartender asks him ""Why do you have a steering wheel in your pants?"" Pirate responds, ""Aaar, It's driving me nuts!"""

"I m at the ATM when a robber holding his gun at my back... He asks: do you want to see your family again? I said ""no"". We both had a good laugh."

"Q: Why was the cat afraid of the tree? A: Because of its bark."

"I'll be over there in a second Just give me a minute"

"Why did the horse get a DUI? She had too many maretinis"

"I'll grow my beard out just so I can knock on a strangers door & whisper, ""I'm here to pick your kid up for prom. Either one. I don't care."""

"How many potheads does it take to change a lightbulb? It was too bright in here anyway."

".5% of life is spent with accidental throat bubble Kermit voice."