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Joke of the Day

".5% of life is spent with accidental throat bubble Kermit voice."

"Shakespeare walks into a bar and the barmen says... ""Get out! You're Bard"""

"I often misuse common phrases People are always pulling me off for it."

"NSFW how did the mother know her daughter was on her period? Daddy's dick tasted funny"

"Q: Why did the blonde snort Sweet-n-Low? A: She thought it was Diet Coke."

"What do you call it when Kony drinks too much? Cognac"

"Cat: who? Me: what? Cat: when? Me: where? Cat: how? Me: Cat: we need a life Me: we Cat: well Im dead and ur talkin to me so more you Me:"

"Why are hipsters such great assassins? Because they hide the bodies in places no one has ever heard of."

"Russia's attitude towards the West is sometimes... Off-Putin."

"Nothing better than experiencing the majesty and wonder of the great outdoors on a really good television."