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Joke of the Day

"Chelsea Clinton is so patriotic That she wore George Washington's wooden teeth for her speech last night"

"I bought some shoes off of a drug dealer. I don't know what he laced them with but I've been trippin' all day."

"Did you know pillows have their own website? Really? Well you could knock me down with a feather!"

"What do you call 2 lesbians in a canoe? Fur traders.... Zing!!"

"I told my pregnant girl friend that she was as big as a 747. That did not fly."

"You can eat gluten-free, organic food without telling everyone at your table."

"The police knocked on my door and told me my dog was chasing some fella on a bike. I said fuck off my dog ain't even got a bike."

"Jesus take the wheel Carlos take the stereo, Manuel be on the lookout..."

"[at my funeral] *casket falls onto the floor* Mum: that's the quickest I've ever seen him move Dad: lol owned"

"Calling in sick to work... Me: Im not gonna be able to make it to work today bossman I'm sick Boss: You don't sound sick...? Me: Well, I'm fucking my sister, IS THAT SICK ENOUGH FOR YOU"