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Joke of the Day

"Calling in sick to work... Me: Im not gonna be able to make it to work today bossman I'm sick Boss: You don't sound sick...? Me: Well, I'm fucking my sister, IS THAT SICK ENOUGH FOR YOU"

"[ShowerThought] If George Bush had Affordable Healhcare Act Would it have been called Bushcare?"

"Oh, Ed! They should come up with something like Uber, but with horseback riding... Maybe call it Wilbur?"

"Ladies & gentlemen, this is your pilot speaking. Anyone who bought WiFi please google ""Fatal Engine Error:38"" & come to Cockpit ASAP. Thanks"

"I'm trying to switch from ""okay"" to ""OK"" but I can't figure out what to do with all this extra time on my hands"

"My mistress bought me a Neck Clampotron XXX 5 years ago, and I've never looked back since!"

"So there's this new music attraction at SeaWorld featuring some guy they call Squid Barrett. They refer to themselves as Ink Floyd."

"*whistles at dog* DOG: I have a boyfriend"

"Where do astronauts leave their spacecraft? At parking meteors."

"My girlfriend called me a pedophile. I said, ""Wow, that's a pretty big word for a eight year old."""