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Joke of the Day

"Send a text to your SO exactly this in commas ""You effect me"" (read comments after you have done so 1st) SO: Don't you mean ""affect?"" You: Yeah i forgot the A-Hole. Sincerely, JM"

"Dad to his adopted son ""What is the extreme limit of laziness?"" Son ""Having an adopted son."""

"My daily affirmation before work goes something like this: ""I enjoy receiving a paycheck."""

"What do you call a group of hoes in a bathroom? r/showerthoughts"

"Me: let's go this way. Shopping cart: no."

"The lead drummer of my marching band is such an asshole. So I pounded him. Let me just say that the re-percussions I faced weren't very nice."

"A woman gave birth to triplets. She named them Tim, Tom, and Tat. Unfortunately at feeding time there was no tit for Tat."

"Sometimes I like to play God and just ignore everyone when they talk to me."

"I like my women in the same fashion I like my pencil lead. Thin, black, and easily breakable."

"What did nazi pilots eat for breakfast? Luftwaffles"