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Joke of the Day

"I just microwaved my TV dinner & it came out fully cooked on the first try, so I'm basically a chef at Applebee's now if anyone's hungry."

"I gave up on my growing list of optometry jokes They just kept getting cornea"

"Why are New Yorkers so depressed? Because the light at the end of the tunnel is New Jersey"

"Helen Keller I pushed Helen Keller into a ditch in the middle of the woods, she screamed and screamed until her hands hurt."

"What did the Mexican say when his house collapsed on him? Hey, get off me homes !"

"4 queers walk into a biker bar..... One was an Indian One was a construction worker One was a cop and the Other was a Cowboy. Biker Says: ""is the YMCA closed?"""

"You know what's really great about being a Democrat in Texas on Super Tuesday? No waiting in line. (An hour and a half wait if you were a Republican.)"

"Grandma complained that no one ever calls, so I put a ""How's My Driving?"" bumper sticker on her car...The phone pretty much rings off the hook now."

"My grandfather developed cancer in his early twenties. He is considered to be the most evil scientist that ever lived."

"Me: *cleans kitchen and does laundry Wife: looks like someone is getting lucky Me: 1 hour of uninterrupted Call of Duty? W: Yes Me: WOOHOO!"