207922
Joke of the Day
"What's the name of the Hogwarts Professor that has an STI? Syphilis Snape"
Next Joke
"if there were a zombie apocalypse i'd save a lot of kids but it would be only because i'd need them later to feed zombies so i can run away"
"You know what isn't a joke? Hitlers gas bill."
"Listen to Mom! Jim: Sometimes I wish I had listened to my mother's advice. Jon: What did she say? Jim: I dunno. I never listened!"
"So I've narrowed it down and I'm either gonna start a motorcycle gang or take a nap."
"Damn girl are you deaf? I said, Damn girl are you deaf?"
"Being drunk was nice because it gave me an excuse for why I'm such an asshole."
"Imagine going back to the Middle Ages and telling people that we can fly in the future. They'd be like ""DUDE WTF are you wearing Crocs?"""
"Eye of the tiger. Nose of the lion. Mouth of the lynx. Ear of the bobcat. Throat of the cougar. Forehead of the ocelot."
"How do you get your wife to listen to every word without interrupting? Talk in your sleep."