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Joke of the Day

"Knock knock Who's there? I eat mipe"

"I met a deaf gynecologist today.. Apparently, he reads lips. (Obligatory: posted this in /r/dadjokes, thought this sub might like it as well.)"

"I have been trying to find a new hobby So lately i have been drag racing. I win most of the time, it's hard for them to outrun me in heels"

"[waffle house] Waitress: how do u like your eggs Me: hatched and with their families W: no how do u like them cooked M: [spits out coffee]"

"What was the catchiest thing of 2014? Ebola"

"If I had a dollar every time a woman called me handsome... I would have one dollar... thanks mom..."

"Have you ever heard of Skrillex? Ah forget it... I was gonna make a Dubstep joke, but I'll just drop it"

"I tried to use a watch as a belt But it's just a waist of time"

"My mom took my phone when I wasn't paying attention She said ""honey have you been watching porn?"" ""N-no mom why would you say that?"" I asked petrified. ""Because your search history is blank""."

"I had sex last night... Her: You don't have AIDS, right? Me: Of course not, why? Her: Oh thank goodness! I got it last time and it really sucked."