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Joke of the Day

"Falling off Bed A lunatic falls off his bed. He quickly gets up. 10 minutes later, he falls again. He thinks to himself ""Good thing I got up 10 minutes ago, or I might have fallen on myself"""

"Reporter: Doctor, what motivates you to care for coma patients? Me: Well, I'm just here *puts cap on Sharpie* to put smiles on their faces"

"I once saw a theatrical performance about puns... It was a play on words."

"Entered a blindfolded masturbation contest the other day... No idea where I came"

"HUNDRED DOLLAR IDEA: Go to an ATM. Withdraw $100."

"Be that Shopping Cart with the bad wheel. Go in your own direction no matter how hard someone try's to push you in theirs."

"WIFE: you need a haircut ME: I do not WIFE: *whistles and a little bird pops up on top of my head, chirping* ME: shhhh, she just had babies"

"Why did the chicken fall in the well? Because he couldn't see that well!"

"Just had an awful drive home. I was forced to ride side by side with another car for 5 minutes. We managed to avoid eye contact, but still."

"God said to peter come fourth... But Peter came fifth and won a toaster"