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Joke of the Day

"HUNDRED DOLLAR IDEA: Go to an ATM. Withdraw $100."

"Her: Do you watch Desperate Housewives? Me: No but I follow a few on Twitter."

"If you say ""people either love me or hate me"" it's a pretty safe bet that most of them hate you."

"Just once I'd like someone to call me ""ma'am"" without having to add ""you need to calm down or we're going to have to ask you to leave"""

"when I run out of spoons that tells me its probably time to do the dishes .. or quit heroine, whichever."

"The Bible would be more believable if Adam was tempted by a slice of pizza instead."

"What do you call Jay-Z having a leg transplant? A hip-hop hip op."

"Lets be real here, everyone has laughed at a child falling over in public,at least once, why ? Because its funny."

"I like to make a sandwich with just cucumbers and pickles... I call it the Before and After"

"April showers bring May flowers, and what do Mayflowers bring? Smallpox."