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Joke of the Day

"Reporter: Doctor, what motivates you to care for coma patients? Me: Well, I'm just here *puts cap on Sharpie* to put smiles on their faces"

"Heard my ex tell one of his friends I was a stalker. Almost made me mad enough to come out of his closet and give him a piece of my mind."

"I have the heart of a lion. And a lifetime ban from the Baltimore Zoo."

"Ran my first 10K this morning. Just kidding I'm on my third donut."

"The Superbowl made me feel like I was camping. It was intense."

"""Hey mom, where could I buy some paperclips?"" ""Staples?"" ""No....Paperclips."""

"The Big Bang Theory: God Spoke and BANG! it happened. "

"They call me Metal Gear Because my snake is solid"

"What do you call a mentally retarded chef? A slow cooker"

"I think it's kinda gross to have sex in bed After all it's where I eat"