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Joke of the Day

"What did the redneck say to his ex? ""Can we still be cousins?"""

"Being a great father is like shaving. No matter how good you shaved today, you have to do it again tomorrow."

"I'll throw corrosive acid in the face of anyone who casually glaces at my computer screen while passing my cubicle."

"My brother's dying wish was to get a joke into the front page of reddit But it seems rude to post a photo of him now that he's dead."

"This sushi restaurant has the worst service. ""Ma'am this is an aquarium"""

"Dad- I want you to have everything in this world that your heart desires. *Can I have oreos?* [NO]"

"Dad Dinosaur: Look son a shooting star make a wish! Angsty Teen Dinosaur: I wish it would hit us and kill us all."

"What if sharks hug with their mouths? Just sayin."

"What type of equipment do you operate for abortions? A baby excavator."

"It's a serious Lego project when the 1st thing my 5yo does is take off his shirt and gets me a beer from the fridge."