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Joke of the Day

"What do I have in common with middle Eastern women? We both get stoned to death on a regular basis in public.. And nobody around seems to mind.. And some people ask for hits.."

"Bank called asking if my credit card had been stolen. They were concerned because it hadn't been used at the liquor store since LAST Friday."

"The .01% of germs that remain alive in your mouth after mouthwash are the Liam Neeson guys who are really pissed and looking for revenge."

"What do you call a man with no arms or legs who likes to go swimming? Bob."

"Texting...because men didn't have a hard enough time understanding women before so we had to take away the ability to convey tone."

"Three bloody tampons are walking down the street. Which one talks to you first? None of them because they are stuck up cunts."

"[OC] Girls who prefer ""dad bods""... Just want father figures in their lives."

"in the darkest corner of my room, dick cheney sits brooding, waiting til i fall asleep. or it's a lampshade. kinda dark and i'm nearsighted."

"Buying a new phone is basically being forced into a not so fun game of ""how long can I go without dropping it."" Same thing with babies."

"Yesterday I had to buy a new hoover. My old one was just gathering dust."