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Joke of the Day

"I should run for public office just to see the scandalous dirt they dig up on me. I would really like to piece together my twenties."

"DOCTOR: studies show that social media use reduces attention span ME: that's hard to believe DOCTOR: are you checking your phone? ME: what?"

"This guy said,""I can predict what's going to happen to your nose."" I thought,""Crikey! It's Nostril-damus!'"

"Did you hear about the suicide bomber? His career ended just as it was beginning to blow up..."

"If you're robbing my house, just bring a second guy to eat a pizza in front of my dog while you take whatever you want."

"How did Harry Potter get down the hill? By walking...J.K. Rowling"

"What do Thomas Jefferson and a WNBA owner have in common? They both have 15 African-American women ready to go to work for them."

"I hate little dogs. I can only love dogs that could kill me."

"If water is h20, what is ice H2O^3"

"What do you call it when a frog jumps off a bridge? Kermitting suicide."