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Joke of the Day

"When life hands you lemons make sure those lemons aren't evidence in a murder that life's trying to frame you for."

"Two hydrogen atoms walk into a bar One says, ""I've lost an electron."" The other says, ""Are you sure?"" The first replies, ""Yes, I'm positive."""

"I don't need a flashlight to find my way around in the dark. I have shins for that."

"Why did the cow get a job at Google? Because she was out standing in her field."

"Why didn't the penguin jump off the iceberg? Because he got cold feet."

"Who was the greatest prostitute in history? Ms. Pacman, for 25 cents that b*tch swallowed balls till she died"

"I'm not racist, my best friend is gay."

"Perks of dating me : I'm too lazy to cheat on you"

"Don't you love nature, despite what it did to you?"

"Bacon: Toast, great tan! Eggs: Ham, you smell good! Ham: Thank you Eggs, you too! Toast: Bacon, you're awesome bro! -complementary breakfast"