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Joke of the Day

"Who was the greatest prostitute in history? Ms. Pacman, for 25 cents that b*tch swallowed balls till she died"

"Q: Where does Napolean keep his armies? A: In his sleevies!"

"What do you call someone who doesn't like The Simpsons? A Homerphobe! LOL! Just made that up!"

"Did you guys hear about the gay astronaut? He landed on Uranus"

"You can tell a lot about a woman's mood just by her hands... For example, if she's holding a gun, she's probably angry."

"[Entering Building As A Guy Leaves] Me: It's muggy out there. Guy: I'll be fine. *guy is beaten & robbed immediately. M: Told you."

"Hi 911, I'd like to report a drunk naked guy blasting off truck nuts w/ a shotgun. Time of incident? [takes drink] In about 20 minutes lol"

"I've started a business building yachts in my attic. Sails are going through the roof."

"When I want to trim down my friend's list on FB I give my opinion and let nature do the rest."

"i get sad for like an hour and then happy for 5 minutes and then sad for another hour and then happy for 3 minutes omg break ups r real hard"