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Joke of the Day

"Men need to stop staring and yelling at me when I wear yoga pants. I'm not doing it for you. I'm doing it for me, because it's comfortable... Who cares if you can see my balls?"

"As a Hilary supporter in Colorado, I'm still happy with the outcome of the election. Since proposition 106 passed I can legally kill myself now that trump won."

"What kind of noise annoys an oyster ? A noisy noise annoys an oyster ! (Try saying that fast!)"

"An alien makes contact. I take it home, give it a sandwich. Then ice cream. And then, to show we're an advanced race, an ice cream sandwich."

"The story of Rudolph is a great way to let your kid know that bullies will keep torturing him until he's famous, then they'll be his friend."

"You guys ever listened to the music of Yellvis? *YOU AINT NOTHING BUT A HOUND DOG!!!!*"

"I got robbed tonight at Shell. I called the cops & they asked if I knew who did it I said ""Yeah, pump 6."""

"Three nuns are sitting on a park bench. Then a man comes up and exposes himself to them. Two of them have a stroke. But the third one couldn't reach"

"My landlord just called and said my neighbors just complained about all the loud freaky sex they are hearing from my house... So now I'm on my way to buy some headphones for my laptop..."

"How to get out of a bad date. 1. Pull fake baby out of your bag. 2. Tell your date to help pick a name. 3. Start taking family photos."