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Joke of the Day
"I'm so done with Apple products! Their phones can't do jack..."
Next Joke
"I brought a classical musician back from the past to prove that my time-machine works, but I can't find him. He must be Haydn."
"At least a zombie would love me for my brain."
"What's the difference between dollars and Jews? I give a shit when I lose 6 million dollars."
"Me: Jimi Hendrix? Daughter: Who? Me: Beatles? Daughter: Who? Me: Doors? Daughter: Who? Me: Justin Bieber? Daughter: Hate him. Me: Thank God."
"Before the internet, it was way harder to google stuff"
"They should hire people to stand in Times Square and yell ""WALK FASTER!"""
"""It's one of those new Hoverboards!"" 9: Mom, this is just 2 Roombas taped together. ""Don't be silly. Now go vacuum...I mean play upstairs"""
"Imagine a world not only without sex but where there is the constant threat that a stork will just drop a fucking baby off at your house."
"I got a new stick of deoderant. Instructions said: 'remove cap & push up bottom'. I can barely walk but when I fart the room smells lovely"