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Joke of the Day

"""It's one of those new Hoverboards!"" 9: Mom, this is just 2 Roombas taped together. ""Don't be silly. Now go vacuum...I mean play upstairs"""

"What is the difference between you and school tomorrow? I'm not going to come into school tomorrow."

"Me: So, what are your thoughts? Therapist: Well, I think you may have some boundary issues. Me: [In his lap] Are you saying I'm fat?!"

"Did you hear the headline abou the lunatic who raped the laundry woman and ran away? ""Nut screws washer and bolts"""

"Everything I need to know about whether or not cops are allowed to search my car I learned from Jay-Z songs."

"Why doesn't Santa have to pay for parking? Because it's on the house."

"There's this dog teaching me some new dance moves. He's a corgi-ographer."

"Thor is riding on the back of his mighty war horse. He shouts ""I AM THOR! I AM THOR!"" His horse replies: ""That's because you forgot your thaddle thilly!"""

"C'mon, dude. Man up and ask her if she likes me."

"Hey rappers on twitter, saying ""LOL"" in every tweet is about as gangster as two dolphins sitting on a rainbow tongue kissing"