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Joke of the Day

"My girlfriend likes it in the ear... because everytime I try to put it in her mouth she turns her head."

"While it paints me to say this... I'm really not much of an artist."

"JOSEPH: who did you name me after? ME: you were named after my grandfather GREGGNOG: what about me dad?"

"If you piss me off in the grocery store I will get in line in front of you and pay for a single banana with a personal check"

"Chuck Norris does not have to answer the phone. His beard picks up the incoming electrical impulses and translates them into audible sound."

"The Pope is really setting a high bar for giving something up for Lent."

"Little league Played baseball with some orphaned kids today. :) I won. None of them seemed to know where home was."

"What's gray and comes in quarts? An elephant"

"Let them know how much you care. This holiday season, say it with a mass text."

"What is the heaviest surgical intervetion that can be done to women ? Getting money and dicks out of their minds."