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Joke of the Day

"[Siri Beta] What do you get when you cross a kangaroo with an alien? A mars-upial"

"There's too much nudity on TV these days... ... all I can do is sit here and shake my fist at it."

"That's the story about a penguin breathing by his ass One-day he sit and dye"

"I hate those people who knock on your door and tell you how you need to be ""saved"" or you'll ""burn"". Stupid firemen."

"How do you know when a woman is about to say something smart? When she starts her sentence with, ""A man once told me..."""

"Why should you send your sweetie a valentine? Because you always heart the one you love."

"Why are artists the only guys who can sleep with comedians? Because drawing is the only way to make a comic strip."

"Straight out of Gotham... This building, in the city I live in (in Tianjin, China) looks like it was taken straight out of Gotham City. http://imgur.com/j0RM7h3"

"What do you get when you cross a duck and a fire work? A firequacker"

"[first date] ""So... you didn't mention that you're trapped in 230 million year old amber."" [my motionless eyes glint within my golden shell]"