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Joke of the Day

"Turning 40 When my best friend turned 40, I sent him a CD in the mail: UB40. 2 months later, on my 40th, I received a CD in the mail from him: U2."

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"I'm always surprised when heavily tattooed couples have a baby and it comes out blank"
"Whats the difference between a zombie and baby? A zombie may eat your brains, but a baby kills your dreams."
"I don't talk about it a lot but I've been to outer space many times."
"What's black and hard? Cast iron."
"I just sent a screen shot of my drunken tweets to my friends & they are still asking if I can come pick them up"
"Make any conversation awkward by pulling out and starting a stopwatch without saying why you're doing it."
"[police interrogation] ""What do you do for a living?"" ""Drug dealer."" ""Louder, for the tape."" [leans in] ""Bug healer. I heal bugs."""
"I like my women like I like my wine... ...locked in a dark basement for several years until they are mature enough to enjoy. Edit:yay made front page of the jokes!!!"
"What is the loneliest number? My phone number, call me please! #Please don't"
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