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Joke of the Day

"(NSFW) Let's have a bet Let's have a bet. When I grow up, I'm gonna be a good dad. If I am a good dad, you will give me a million pounds. If I'm not, I'll beat the shit out of my kids, deal?"

"What do you call a chicken staring at a head of lettuce? Chicken sees-a salad"

"I hear Donald Trump has been endorsed by the Roman Catholic Church He's called for a ban on contraception. He wants to make America mate again"

"when you walk down on a up escalator, is that time travel? really makes you think"

"*Knock knock* ""Who's there?"" ""Madame."" ""Madame who?"" Madame foots stuck in the door."

"*Tips fedora at a mosquito* M'laria"

"Why are hot pickle buns so popular in polish women's prisons? They're made out of dill dough."

"I could die But I'm afraid of the reapercussions"

"The worst part of being named Michael is repeatedly being broken up with via a text that states *drops Mike*"

"What sound does a black widow make? My husband be dead"