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Joke of the Day

"[OC] My best friend recently lost the front of his foot in a boating accident and now I hate him. I'm surprised by how lactose intolerant I am."

"Ignorance is bliss, and rampant."

"How do librarians file melted marshmallows? According to the Gooey Decimal System."

"Who is modern fiction's most notorious serial killer? George R. R. Martin."

"What has two wings and a halo? A Chinese telephone. ""Wing wing"". ""Halo?"""

"They probably could have called lightbulbs, just ""bulbs"". Most people would still get it."

"Waiter: May I take your order? Yes, roll over and play dead! Waiter: It's not that kind of order. Oh. Sorry. I'll have the cheese sticks."

"When you think your life couldn't be any more pathetic, remember some people have more than 1 Facebook account."

"*hires sky writer* I K N O W Y O U A T E T H E L A S T F R U I T R O L L U P. I W A N T A D I V O R C E K A R E N."

"Netflix just announced it's raising the price and changing it's slogan to ""One movie you wanna see and a thousand others you never heard of"""