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Joke of the Day

"What's the speed limit of sex? 68 Because at 69, you flip over and eat it."

"Can orphans... eat at a family restaurant?"

"I just wrote go f*** yourself on a piece of paper and put it in the suggestion box at work."

"Picking up this tiny piece of paper would take 1 second but instead I'm going to run over it 100 times with the vacuum at different angles."

"Whenever someone mentions rat poison part of me imagines a tiny rodent cover band playing 80s power ballads."

"I don't always have pre-marital sex... But when I do it's not with my wife."

"Why did Batman rush to the Bat Cave? He had to go to the Bat Room. [an old classic]"

"Friend: ""Hey, that girl is cute. Can you put in a good word for me?"" Me: ""Sure"" *walks up to girl* *whispers* ""magnanimous"""

"I used to work at a trampoline factory It had its ups and downs"

"Boss: Where were you born? ME: MERICA Boss: which part? ME: What 'which part'? The whole body was born in MERICA."