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Joke of the Day

"hate how my phone sometimes autocorrects haha to hahahahaha. im trying to end a conversation not laugh harder than i ever have in my life."

"""My mind is telling me nooo... But my body... My body's telling me yesss...BABY"" Cashier: Sir...would you like fries with that or not?"

"[God Creating] Lucifer: Make them wake up paralyzed sometimes G: That sounds horrible L: People will love it G: Hm, I trusted you on spiders"

"I keep hoping one day I'll be stuck on a 6-hour flight next to Flavor Flav just so I can ask him what time it is every five minutes."

"What's your best Pirate Joke? What's a pirate's favorite letter? the C!"

"Dear people posting pics of things they got for Valentine's Day: Please stop it! Spare us the cheesiness and keep that sh!t to yourself. Sincerely, Single People"

"new iPhone 7 son: Daddy, buy me the new iPhone 7 Dad: What is the magic word? son: Natasha Dad: who is Natasha son: your lover Dad: do you need also a case?"

"What doesn't kill you makes you stronger. Except for bears. Bears will kill you."

"A Mexican magician says he can disappear on the count of three. ""Uno.... Dos...."" and poof, he disappeared without a tres."

"In which state does the Mississippi river flow? Liquid."