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Joke of the Day

"A Mexican magician says he can disappear on the count of three. ""Uno.... Dos...."" and poof, he disappeared without a tres."

"A Paladin takes his car to a mechanic. ""Whenever I'm driving, I get these strange urges to run over pedestrians."" The mechanic has a look under the car. ""Your alignment is off."""

"If you woke up alone in the woods with your pants at your ankles and a condom in your ass, would you tell anyone? Wanna go camping?"

"What do the twin towers and genders have in common? There used to be two."

"*puts spider in the ocean* ""Now go free and flourish into an octopus."" *cuts girl in half & puts in ocean* ""Mermaid probably."""

"I met a plastic surgeon at a bar last night... He specialized in male-to-female sexual reassignment surgeries. He was a pretty nice guy, but a total *womanizer*."

"Have a jewish friend who likes to make drinks. I have a Jewish friend who likes to make drinks. Hebrews them. Sorry if you expected a Jewish world war 2 joke, but I'm burnt out on those."

"What's the difference between /r/funny and /r/jokes? /r/jokes is funny and /r/funny is a joke!"

"Wear only a towel around your waist and you can get into just about anywhere if you just repeat ""so sorry so sorry"" and keep moving forward."

"Why is Ariana Grande called Ariana Grande? She is only 5 feet tall. Shouldn't she be called Ariana Petite?"