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Joke of the Day
"What do we want? Race-car noises! When do we want them? Neeeeeeoooooowwwwwwwwwwwwww!"
Next Joke
"If someone asks for advice, just tell em to follow their heart. No idea what that shit means but at least they're not talking to you anymore"
"What do you call a drunken asshole? Alcohole."
"What's the quickest way to a woman's heart? The rib cage."
"I'm all about fitness fit'ness whole burger into my mouth"
"The downside of DVR is getting freaked out by tornado warnings from four days ago"
"Guy on SportsCenter just said Tiger Woods is ""swinging a mean stick"", so look out, ladies. He's back."
"I'm no longer with a girl because she lied about her weight. She died in a bungee jumping accident."
"Did you hear about the dyslexic atheistic insomniac? He lays awake at night wondering if there really is a dog."
"So I suggested to my wife that she'd look sexier with her hair back... Which is apparently an insensitive thing to say to a cancer patient."