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Joke of the Day

"Murphy said to his daughter ""I want you home by eleven o'clock."" She said ""But Father I'm no longer a child!"" He said ""I know that's why I want you home by eleven."""

"How does Popeye lube up his dick? Sticks it in Olive Oyl."

"You know you're old... When your stripper has braces and you're wondering how much her parents paid for them."

"The phrase ""This shit is bananas"" probably originated from the guy who had to clean out the monkey cage at the zoo."

"If you open your iPhone camera when it's reversed, and your own face scares and shames you, it's considered cardio."

"What do you call a fake noodle? An Im-pasta"

"Why did Russia sign the non-aggression pact with NazI Germany? They were Stalin for time."

"When searching for Gary Oldman on google images Make damn sure you dont miss that r..."

"I'm introducing a new calendar system: B.C. = Before Children. A.D. = After Divorce."

"My wife found a spot between her boobs this morning. The doctor eased her worries telling her it was just her belly button"