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Joke of the Day

"I'm introducing a new calendar system: B.C. = Before Children. A.D. = After Divorce."

"""Decide you want it more than you're afraid of it"" -Bill Cosby Well, we all see where that got him."

"I tried to get an hourglass figure... ...but then I realised it would just be a waist of time."

"Why was the vampire's girlfriend mad at him? Because she couldn't finish her sentences. Why couldn't she finish her sentences? He kept eating her periods."

"*Dog puts cupcake on my nose and tells me to ""stay"""

"My parents think im a failure... I cant wait to show them the A i got on my hepatitis test"

"My wife's a biology teacher... This morning she asked how I wanted my eggs. I told her, ""Ovariesy."""

"I bet you 80908429702979720947290472390749270 ... That you didn't read that number :)"

"Demons must be obese... ...Because they hate getting exorcised."

"I'm not an alcoholic I just have a lot of things to celebrate."