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Joke of the Day

"[on a date with a teacher] Me: your eyes are beautiful Her: yours too Me:*leans in, whispers* can i kiss you Her: i don't know CAN YOU"

"I have a step ladder I never met my real ladder ."

"Why did the chicken kill himself? To get to the other side."

"Being a chemist, I feel pleasure to announce that I've just Synthesised CPH4(lucy drug). I wish I could post it in r/worldnews."

"How many feminists does it take to change a light bulb? Just kidding, feminists can't change anything."

"How do you get a hipster to take a shower? Give them a leaky showerhead. You know, so they can avoid the main stream."

"No matter who wins the presidential election, it will be historic. We'll either have the first female president, the first Jewish president, the first Canadian president, or the last president."

"50 cent What did 50 cent say to his grandma when she have him a sweater? Gee you knit"

"What do you call a spitting vampire? Spatula."

"When I get calls from unknown numbers I panic, decline and then wait for the voicemail like I'm about to be murdered."