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Joke of the Day

"When I get calls from unknown numbers I panic, decline and then wait for the voicemail like I'm about to be murdered."

"I tried phone sex last night Safe to say, I would prefer if you didn't call me during working hours until it goes flat."

"What did one tampon say to the other?? ...... Nothing! They're both stuckup cunts !"

"Ebay You have got to love Ebay Sold my homing pigeons 4 times this month."

"What is big hairy and can fly ? King Kongcorde !"

"Doctor, How was the surgery? surgery? But... was this not an autopsy???!!!"

"You read for a part, you feel good about it, you feel confident, then they cast Ben Affleck."

"They say 1 in 3 men are gay. I'm not gay, he's not gay..."

"I'll read a Southern Gothic novel with 1,288-word sentences, I don't give a Faulkner."

"My Girlfriend told me to give her 10 inches and make it hurt... So I fucked her twice and punched her in the mouth!"