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Joke of the Day

"My dad is hung but then again, everything seemed bigger when I was a kid."

"[interview] THEM: what would you say if i gave you money from the register and told you to keep it? ME: thank you."

"One way to know if someone is lying to you is if their facial mole is in a different place every time you see them"

"I've been ill with night terrors, nausea, dizziness, hunger pains, cry fits, and a stutter. According to Web MD, I have a date tonight."

"What do you call a chicken looking at a lettuce? Chicken sees-a-salad"

"Why didn't the doctor use Twitter to tell the patient that he had a deadly disease? Because the condition was untweetable."

"sometimes I fill up my bathtub with spaghetti sauce and sit in it and pretend I'm a meatball"

"A dwarf once walked into a brothel... with a honeycomb and a jackass; the madam says,.."

"What do Bernie Sanders and Santa Claus have in common? (Dark) They both have difficulties regarding chimneys!"

"(Arrives in rescue boat to aid sinking cruise ship full of today's pop artists, saves only Lorde and Sia, speeds away)"