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Joke of the Day

"What do Bernie Sanders and Santa Claus have in common? (Dark) They both have difficulties regarding chimneys!"

"Offering the floral arrangement as a meal to the gluten free, lactose intolerant, allergy ridden vegetarian is apparently not ok."

"What does the Starship Enterprise and toilet paper have in common? They both glide around Uranus and wipe out Klingons!"

"I told my dad about the school shooting today I don't know why he got so worked up over picture day"

"What do you call a Shi Tzu giving a blowjob? Shit Head."

"I want my funeral to be sad and completely serious. Then right when my coffin starts lowering into the ground the song from Tetris plays."

"If you're going to carry on a cell phone conversation in the men's room you can count on me to make HORRIBLE noises and flush every two seconds."

"My wife is a liar! Last night I texted her and asked here where she was, she said with her sister Emma. I was with her sister Emma!!"

"Did you guys hear about the CEO of Reddit? I heard he's a great guy."

"What's grey and moves at a hundred miles an hour ? A jet propelled elephant !"