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Joke of the Day

"Whenever someone says, ""It's getting hot in here"" I automatically think, ""So take off all your clothes."

"Told my kid that he had a viral infection and now he's excited because he thinks he's going to be famous online."

"[gets pulled over] cop: ""sir, do you know how fast you were going?"" [i've swapped places with the dog] me: ""answer the man"""

"If I had $1 for every time somebody called me a racist... black people would rob me."

"I'll tell you what I know about midgets... Very little"

"""DO NOT TOUCH"" Must be the scariest thing to read ... ... in Braille."

"How many tickles does it take to make an octopus laugh Ten tickles"

"Some guy just knocked on my door selling raffle tickets for poor black orphans. I said, ""Fuck that knowing my luck, I'd win one!"""

"Did you hear about the guy who was frozen to absolute zero? Don't worry he was OK."

"Saw a bumper sticker that said 'Jesus is the answer.' Two cars later I saw one that said 'Who farted?' Best game of Highway Jeopardy ever."